changed my mind i like women now

the best kind of lessons… not

I have learned a few things tonight 

one being that men can supprise you sometimes in a good way, they can be complete gentle men and try it on when your alone with them. not the best of things or they can be complete gentle men and court you properly or it just turns out they dont want to try anything because they realised during the evening they arnt attracted to you and thought that it would be more polite to ditch you after getting you home safe. i have apparently experienced all 3 and to my knowledge the second was what i experienced this evening and it was the first time i have been out with this type of guy and im not going to lie i fucked it up completely i feel like an utter twit and want to forget the night forever, after only experiencing the other two types of men i expected something, whether i welcomed it or not is a different thing but i expected it and what i learned is, never bring up an expectation not fulfilled it puts pressure on the rest of the evening and yes it did just that.  so in conclusion i may have fucked up things with a guy i really quite liked because all of the other guys iv been out with cant keep there grubby hands off. Thanks.



1 Notes

To all future housemates

just a heads up but if any of you use megavideos while im trying to watch a whole season back to back i WILL hurt you.


alright this is my was of writing a diary or something… so its the 17th and im going to uni on the 1st, thats what 14 days or so, and im really scared like zombies scared and im freaking out that i dont have everything and that people arnt going to like me and that im going to fail my course and that what if im not even doing the right course, what if i get half way threw and wish i hadnd chosen it, then what, im also worried about money, quite a bit. im not exactly rich and i like spending it on crap. i think i will miss my mom aswell i dont care how childish that sounds but i will shes someone that HAS to love me no matter what i do or say its in the contract and so i dont worry about anything when im home.what if im not ready to move away. people keep telling me you will ether love it or hate it and what if im the one that hates it? then what i signed a contract im stuck in that house for a whole 12 months of what could turn out to be complete hell. 

ANOTHER worry i have, my father may have passed on a faulty heart and because of this i must get every test in the damn book and shut up men dont complain about shit you dont have to remover your bra all the damn time and sit in awaked conversation while getting ultra sounded :( and while i was sitting in the waiting room there was this old man and im not a fan of those but i humoured him because he looked truly scared of going in ahh crap just got chocolate all down my top anyway yeh i felt scared for him myself and i sort of realised its a scary issue and i know im not that bad but maybe one day i dont exactly do much exercise or eat correctly.. but yeh thats a worry of mine but mainly the whole university thing i dono is this normal…. oh yeah i dont want to leave my nephew behind. IS IT NORMAL to be scared like this, what if im really not ready to leave home and be by myself maybe its something i just have to find out for my self when i have gone.

only wish i could do something just as amazing.

only wish i could do something just as amazing.


I love Twilight, im not going to say i dont. and yes i did run out this morning at god knows what time to buy the dvd and then i came home and watched twilight and then new moon just so that i was in the right mood for it, i also had my twilight and new moon movie companions next to me incase there was something i didnt know. im sad i dont care if you havent read the books then you just WONT understand the obbsession. if i could make websites i would make one dedicated to twilight.

there you go now you know the truth im a Twifan.

Terror made me cruel; and finding it useless to attempt shaking the creature off, I pulled its wrist on to the broken pane, and rubbed it to and fro till the blood ran down and soaked the bedclothes…
— Wuthering heights